Keywords:
identity, homophobia, family structure
identity, homophobia, family structure
Transcript
Let’s talk about what are some of the changes that your daughter um, has experienced since the first coming out talk you had?
Victoria: Yeah, you know what, I tried to figure that out
Tara: Yeah.
Victoria: Consistently. I think what’s going on is, so there’s this whole, her own maturation.
Tara: Right.
Victoria: Her own identity development, her own you know, sexual identity development. Going from being a kid, roughly 11, maybe 10 even to 13, and all those changes that go in there. So I think that’s part of it. I think there’s some residual things also around, like it was okay, similar to my mom, as weird as this sounds. I’m sort of figuring this out in my head-
Tara: Yeah.
Victoria: But, so it’s okay for you to be a lesbian, but don't bring this other person, right?
Tara: Right.
Victoria: So the other person makes it more real. And this conversation my mom, my sister and I have all had. Even as my mom is distant, she’s involved-
Tara: Right.
Victoria: Because it’s gotten to be where I’ve needed some supports and there have been some things that have gone on. Um, and you know, would she feel this way if this were a man-
Tara: Interesting.
Victoria: Would she still have these reactions? And where we’re at is yes some, and maybe not some. Like, we’re sort of not clear. Like my daughter will actually talk about it and say, “I really don’t want anyone around, but I really don’t want her around.” [laughs] So it’s like okay she’s an equal opportunity discriminator, [Tara laughs] “I just don’t want anyone else in my mommy’s life.”
Tara: Right.
Victoria: You know, and so there’s some of that too. And then also are we getting at some other things that are going on. Because there have been some reactions, and I will say this. So there have been some reactions to even some things on TV.
Tara: Right.
Victoria: So, one of our favourite shows is Grey’s Anatomy-
Tara: Right.
Victoria: Lots of couple, power, doctors type stuff there. And there was one episode this past year, where um, the, the, the two doctors kissed-
Tara: Right.
Victoria: And they weren’t like making out, it was a *puckers* and my daughter was like “eww” like that, and then I was like “woah!” And so addressing it, I said “you know what, you may feel like you want to feel” because I can’t legislate her feelings, “but you will not have homophobic reactions in this house!” And so she shut it down.
Tara: Yeah.
Victoria: But this, as part of her kind of, I’m starting to see these little things of pushing back, pushing back, pushing back. And so that’s where it becomes you know, how much of it is some of homophobia and how much of it is “I don’t want anyone around.”
Tara: Right.
Victoria: But that reaction to, has nothing to do with me. But then maybe in her mind it is, so, yeah.
Let’s talk about what are some of the changes that your daughter um, has experienced since the first coming out talk you had?
Victoria: Yeah, you know what, I tried to figure that out
Tara: Yeah.
Victoria: Consistently. I think what’s going on is, so there’s this whole, her own maturation.
Tara: Right.
Victoria: Her own identity development, her own you know, sexual identity development. Going from being a kid, roughly 11, maybe 10 even to 13, and all those changes that go in there. So I think that’s part of it. I think there’s some residual things also around, like it was okay, similar to my mom, as weird as this sounds. I’m sort of figuring this out in my head-
Tara: Yeah.
Victoria: But, so it’s okay for you to be a lesbian, but don't bring this other person, right?
Tara: Right.
Victoria: So the other person makes it more real. And this conversation my mom, my sister and I have all had. Even as my mom is distant, she’s involved-
Tara: Right.
Victoria: Because it’s gotten to be where I’ve needed some supports and there have been some things that have gone on. Um, and you know, would she feel this way if this were a man-
Tara: Interesting.
Victoria: Would she still have these reactions? And where we’re at is yes some, and maybe not some. Like, we’re sort of not clear. Like my daughter will actually talk about it and say, “I really don’t want anyone around, but I really don’t want her around.” [laughs] So it’s like okay she’s an equal opportunity discriminator, [Tara laughs] “I just don’t want anyone else in my mommy’s life.”
Tara: Right.
Victoria: You know, and so there’s some of that too. And then also are we getting at some other things that are going on. Because there have been some reactions, and I will say this. So there have been some reactions to even some things on TV.
Tara: Right.
Victoria: So, one of our favourite shows is Grey’s Anatomy-
Tara: Right.
Victoria: Lots of couple, power, doctors type stuff there. And there was one episode this past year, where um, the, the, the two doctors kissed-
Tara: Right.
Victoria: And they weren’t like making out, it was a *puckers* and my daughter was like “eww” like that, and then I was like “woah!” And so addressing it, I said “you know what, you may feel like you want to feel” because I can’t legislate her feelings, “but you will not have homophobic reactions in this house!” And so she shut it down.
Tara: Yeah.
Victoria: But this, as part of her kind of, I’m starting to see these little things of pushing back, pushing back, pushing back. And so that’s where it becomes you know, how much of it is some of homophobia and how much of it is “I don’t want anyone around.”
Tara: Right.
Victoria: But that reaction to, has nothing to do with me. But then maybe in her mind it is, so, yeah.