Keywords:
donor, labels, family, explaining, social dynamics
donor, labels, family, explaining, social dynamics
Transcript
Ruby: Um, really, when I was little I didn’t really know what a donor was. Five-year-olds don’t. Uh, and they would be, someone would get grossed out when you be like, well, it’s sperm. And they’d be like, wait, what? No! Um, and they’d get really weirded out by it. But I’m like, here’s my mom’s friend, and they were like, that kid looks cute, we should have one like that too. Like, let’s do this. Like, that’s how I explain it. Um, but yah people would always, like there’s a few kids who don’t get it and are like, so that’s your dad. And I’m like, no, that’s my donor, different thing.
Tara: Yah.
Ruby: Separate. No. And people wouldn’t get that, or they’d think that like, the way they’d explain a family, they wouldn’t get that the labels you choose for a family are whichever ones you choose. So my sisters are my half-sisters, but it’s just been, oh, full sisters no matter what. And we don’t have any blood relation at all. And then, like, I’d get like, oh, so Wendy is like--because she’s not my birthmom--Wendy’s like your dad. No, she’s my other mom. There’s no dad it in. It’s not involved.
Tara: Yah. How does it feel to have to explain. Does it feel like, um, okay? Does it feel like a burden sometimes?
Ruby: I think it depends on who is asking or how they’re asking. There’s a difference when someone’s just interested, and when I was younger I was happy to explain it because I had this cool thing that you don’t have, like, I’ll explain it to you, sure. But then sometimes you get something where you can kind of tell, like, wait, that’s weird, that’s kind of wrong, or something like that, and you can tell when it’s kind of more condescendingly asked. And that’s when it’s kind of like, well, you don’t need to know.
Tara: Right.
Ruby: Yeah.
Ruby: Um, really, when I was little I didn’t really know what a donor was. Five-year-olds don’t. Uh, and they would be, someone would get grossed out when you be like, well, it’s sperm. And they’d be like, wait, what? No! Um, and they’d get really weirded out by it. But I’m like, here’s my mom’s friend, and they were like, that kid looks cute, we should have one like that too. Like, let’s do this. Like, that’s how I explain it. Um, but yah people would always, like there’s a few kids who don’t get it and are like, so that’s your dad. And I’m like, no, that’s my donor, different thing.
Tara: Yah.
Ruby: Separate. No. And people wouldn’t get that, or they’d think that like, the way they’d explain a family, they wouldn’t get that the labels you choose for a family are whichever ones you choose. So my sisters are my half-sisters, but it’s just been, oh, full sisters no matter what. And we don’t have any blood relation at all. And then, like, I’d get like, oh, so Wendy is like--because she’s not my birthmom--Wendy’s like your dad. No, she’s my other mom. There’s no dad it in. It’s not involved.
Tara: Yah. How does it feel to have to explain. Does it feel like, um, okay? Does it feel like a burden sometimes?
Ruby: I think it depends on who is asking or how they’re asking. There’s a difference when someone’s just interested, and when I was younger I was happy to explain it because I had this cool thing that you don’t have, like, I’ll explain it to you, sure. But then sometimes you get something where you can kind of tell, like, wait, that’s weird, that’s kind of wrong, or something like that, and you can tell when it’s kind of more condescendingly asked. And that’s when it’s kind of like, well, you don’t need to know.
Tara: Right.
Ruby: Yeah.