Keywords:
multi-parent family, summer camp, Pride, queer, coming out, support, school climate, Two-Spirit, pronouns, gender fluid
multi-parent family, summer camp, Pride, queer, coming out, support, school climate, Two-Spirit, pronouns, gender fluid
Transcript
Mita: Mita, she, I’m fine with feminine pronouns.
Nicole: And, um, I’m two-spirited, so I’m more gender fluid and right in the middle, but I identify as two-spirited. And my pronoun is they.
Tara: So first of all thank you for having us to your home. It’s so great to meet you and to be here, and our first question usually is: tell us about your family.
Mita: We have, um, my sister found herself pregnant and said, “I’m very nervous about this”, she said, “you’re the mom figure in the family, I am so not a mom and I will only have this child if you decide to be a part of this process--
Tara: Wow.
Mita: for the whole process. So we said okay, and um, then she had her first child and um, three years later she had her second one because it was lonely being an only child for Nikka and we ended up with two. My sister lives with my parents and she… so the girls go back and forth between the two houses. Um, they have their summer camp here they did the girls’ rock band camp…
Tara: How fun is that?
Mita: … and their march break and their list of things that they do with us and then the jazz festival and the math problems and you know this is the—we need you for this, we need you for our volunteer hours and… and then they’re back there and we communicate every single day and we’re very much a part of each other’s lives.
Tara: Fantastic. So how old are the girls now?
Mita: Nikka is, um, fifteen.
Tara: Fifteen.
Mita: Mhm, and Thara is twelve.
Tara: Okay. And uh, so from the time they were both born you’ve been in their lives.
Mita: Yah.
Mita: We had them over for Pride. The elder with her three friends. She brought them over, and all of her friends are some stage of queer or questioning. And she said, you know, this is very unusual, I’m the only straight one here in a house full of queers.
Nicole: [Unclear]. How does it feel to be the odd one out?
Mita: It’s okay. There’s time yet. We love you no matter how you are.
Nicole: She actually came out to us as straight.
Mita: Yes.
Nicole: She said “I have something to tell you that you’re not going to be happy about” and we’re like “what?” “I’m straight”. And we’re like, “oh”.
Mita: That’s okay, we still love you.
Nicole: You still have time. You probably haven’t met the right woman yet.
Tara: So you have fun with it. Yes.
Mita: Yah, we have a great time with it. Because it’s um, they’re just really open and accepting and sweet kids and they’ve always known that whoever they’re with, whatever they decide to do…
Tara: Yah.
Mita: …They’ve got all these adults who are going to support them in their decision making. So my parents are active…
Tara: Right.
Mita: And then her parents are divorced…
Tara: Right.
Mita: So both have new partners, so dad got remarried so stepmum’s in the picture, and we are all in constant communication with each other.
Tara: Fantastic.
Mita: So it’s like “well the girls want to do soap-making, and who’s the best for this?”, or “they have questions about this, who’s the best adult to be dealing with that particular situation?”
Tara: So there’s really a whole group of adults the kids have to count on when they need it.
Mita: Yah.
Tara: Wonderful. And when it comes to dealing with the school to go to parent-teacher interviews or if, um, somebody needs to talk to a principal about something, um, who goes?
Mita: It’s usually their mum and me, and- because the school—initially we all wanted to go.
Tara: Yah.
Mita: And, um, it got a little overwhelming for the teachers when um they would see six of us show up. And it gets really…
Tara: Six against one.
Mita: Our little one just had her school concert and graduation and they gave out two tickets per student and she’s like “I don’t know who to take, it’s like… this is a huge problem. I want all of you there.”
Tara: Right.
Mita: And they were only giving out two tickets. So we said, “we’ll figure it out, don’t worry about it, and two of us will be there, whichever, and um, the rest will want to be there, and so we can video and skype and we’ll all be watching”. So we did it that way because the school is still not quite—they still see that two parent normative family that they’re—they get a little confused of “Wait, I thought you were the parent, wait I thought you were the parents.” We’re all parents. It’s okay.
Mita: Mita, she, I’m fine with feminine pronouns.
Nicole: And, um, I’m two-spirited, so I’m more gender fluid and right in the middle, but I identify as two-spirited. And my pronoun is they.
Mita: Mita, she, I’m fine with feminine pronouns.
Nicole: And, um, I’m two-spirited, so I’m more gender fluid and right in the middle, but I identify as two-spirited. And my pronoun is they.
Tara: So first of all thank you for having us to your home. It’s so great to meet you and to be here, and our first question usually is: tell us about your family.
Mita: We have, um, my sister found herself pregnant and said, “I’m very nervous about this”, she said, “you’re the mom figure in the family, I am so not a mom and I will only have this child if you decide to be a part of this process--
Tara: Wow.
Mita: for the whole process. So we said okay, and um, then she had her first child and um, three years later she had her second one because it was lonely being an only child for Nikka and we ended up with two. My sister lives with my parents and she… so the girls go back and forth between the two houses. Um, they have their summer camp here they did the girls’ rock band camp…
Tara: How fun is that?
Mita: … and their march break and their list of things that they do with us and then the jazz festival and the math problems and you know this is the—we need you for this, we need you for our volunteer hours and… and then they’re back there and we communicate every single day and we’re very much a part of each other’s lives.
Tara: Fantastic. So how old are the girls now?
Mita: Nikka is, um, fifteen.
Tara: Fifteen.
Mita: Mhm, and Thara is twelve.
Tara: Okay. And uh, so from the time they were both born you’ve been in their lives.
Mita: Yah.
Mita: We had them over for Pride. The elder with her three friends. She brought them over, and all of her friends are some stage of queer or questioning. And she said, you know, this is very unusual, I’m the only straight one here in a house full of queers.
Nicole: [Unclear]. How does it feel to be the odd one out?
Mita: It’s okay. There’s time yet. We love you no matter how you are.
Nicole: She actually came out to us as straight.
Mita: Yes.
Nicole: She said “I have something to tell you that you’re not going to be happy about” and we’re like “what?” “I’m straight”. And we’re like, “oh”.
Mita: That’s okay, we still love you.
Nicole: You still have time. You probably haven’t met the right woman yet.
Tara: So you have fun with it. Yes.
Mita: Yah, we have a great time with it. Because it’s um, they’re just really open and accepting and sweet kids and they’ve always known that whoever they’re with, whatever they decide to do…
Tara: Yah.
Mita: …They’ve got all these adults who are going to support them in their decision making. So my parents are active…
Tara: Right.
Mita: And then her parents are divorced…
Tara: Right.
Mita: So both have new partners, so dad got remarried so stepmum’s in the picture, and we are all in constant communication with each other.
Tara: Fantastic.
Mita: So it’s like “well the girls want to do soap-making, and who’s the best for this?”, or “they have questions about this, who’s the best adult to be dealing with that particular situation?”
Tara: So there’s really a whole group of adults the kids have to count on when they need it.
Mita: Yah.
Tara: Wonderful. And when it comes to dealing with the school to go to parent-teacher interviews or if, um, somebody needs to talk to a principal about something, um, who goes?
Mita: It’s usually their mum and me, and- because the school—initially we all wanted to go.
Tara: Yah.
Mita: And, um, it got a little overwhelming for the teachers when um they would see six of us show up. And it gets really…
Tara: Six against one.
Mita: Our little one just had her school concert and graduation and they gave out two tickets per student and she’s like “I don’t know who to take, it’s like… this is a huge problem. I want all of you there.”
Tara: Right.
Mita: And they were only giving out two tickets. So we said, “we’ll figure it out, don’t worry about it, and two of us will be there, whichever, and um, the rest will want to be there, and so we can video and skype and we’ll all be watching”. So we did it that way because the school is still not quite—they still see that two parent normative family that they’re—they get a little confused of “Wait, I thought you were the parent, wait I thought you were the parents.” We’re all parents. It’s okay.
Mita: Mita, she, I’m fine with feminine pronouns.
Nicole: And, um, I’m two-spirited, so I’m more gender fluid and right in the middle, but I identify as two-spirited. And my pronoun is they.