Education, Donor, Father, Normalization, Normal Family, Questions, Comfort Level
Tara: Parents do a lot of education work, uh, you know, in, when, when they send their kids to school.
Pa, Zena: Yeah.
Tara: What kind of work have you done?
Pa: Uh, it wasn’t “effort” work, it was just being a normal family.
Tara: Subtle, yeah.
Pa: Yeah, just being, right? And I think uh, well, some of the little subtle things (motioning to Zena) I think, my favourite one is um, well, “Did you know the father?”
Pa: I’m like, “Nope. No, it was an anonymous donor.” “Oh, so the, you, the father is totally anonymous.” I said, “Well, the donor is.” Because there is no father. Right?
Zena: That’s the big one--
Zena: that we’ve educated people on because people will say to us, you know--
Zena: you know, well, if they, they wait to see if there’s a comfort level, you know, and they’ll ask us questions, like, “I don’t mean to pry” and I’m like--
Pa: Pry away.
Zena: “No, we want you to ask.”
Zena: “Please ask.”
Zena: And they’ll ask us about, you know--
Zena: and we’ll say, the boys are technically half-brothers—
Tristin: We are half brothers.
Pa: (to Tristin) You are.
Ely: We are.
Pa: Brother from another mother.
Zena: and they have the same donor and we always say it that way, make it very clear that there is no father.
Zena: because “father” indicates something very different than what this situation is.
Zena: The donor was just providing us with something that we don’t have.
Pa: That’s right.
Zena: So, you know, there’s no--
Pa: Number 72946 or something, I don’t know.
Zena: Nah, I don’t know. (laughs)
Pa: We always joke, that’s always my joke. (laughter)
Pa: But, it, that’s the thing, and I’ve always said—because people are like, “So, can I ask you a really weird question?” And I said, “You can ask me any question you want.” And it doesn’t make me uncomfortable--
Pa: and it doesn’t make—so I’m, that’s the work I’ve done. It’s, I’ve always been very open about it and (shrugs) and that we’re just, we get up the same way, we eat the same cereal (Tara laughs) you know.