family, transitioning, appearance, clothing, siblings, trans
Tara: Let’s talk about, Samantha’s siblings, right? It’s a big transition for the whole family. How has that worked in your family?
Ryan: I think it’s probably, all these transitions have been hardest on Nico, who has taken it in strides.
Max: Oh, yeah.
Ryan: Wonderfully. At four years old, very seldomly is there a mistake with pronouns - and he corrects himself. But, when you take a step back, I mean he had a parent transition earlier this year. He had a sibling transition earlier this year, and since then his oldest sister Tay whom he’s always known as Taylor she’s become an adult and decided to take ownership, and actually change her name to Tay. She’s always hated her name Taylor, but has always kept it and dealt with it. Knowing though, that people can transition and still maintain ownership of their self, and still be the same person and have the sky not fall, she has you know so she changed her name. She’s now Tay. And so, everybody around Nico has changed, something about themself, and everybody has been expected to accommodate that. And so you know he himself has decided that his name is going to be Ellie. I mean he does…he plays it up. It’s only when the kids are playing with the girls down the road. But you know he spent the summer in dresses and pink rainbow boots, and he’s growing his hair long. He’s really, he’s had a great time with it because it’s allowed him to embrace things, that I guess before, he would just say “yeah I like pink, but it’s a girl’s colour”. Now he just runs around and wears rainbow boots with pink hearts on. And you know, he’s happy to wear them. And it’s no longer a case, of whether pink is a girl’s colour anymore, like, pink’s just a colour for anybody. But he…he’s tried to find his place in all this. Because everybody else is - you know, because Samantha getting a new wardrobe, and Max got a new wardrobes. Tay’s an adult so she’s doing new things and that kind of stuff. So, he’s - we’ve tried, at least, we’ve tried not to … him to feel forgotten about.
Max: And, like youngest child, less photos. and like that type of typical thing right. First child you're like ahh taking pictures and then less and less and less. And on top of all that change.
Ryan: It was a period of time, where he was saying he was a girl. And he was Ellie and you know that people should call him that. Since then he’s just kind of declared that I’m a boy and I likes pink.
Max: Yeah, exactly. There’s a weird pendulum right…in any change. I found and so for him, he was going like, okay well do I go this way, do I go this way, or do I go for - or do I go backwards. and he was just trying to grasp at whatever he felt comfortable with his own identity? Whether it was his expression or whether it was how he actually felt. I think, I don't know at this point, because, he’s four and in a year from now something might change. I mean we knew, that something was different about Samantha when she was five, because she was using that language - even before I was saying anything.
Ryan: Oh yeah. Yeah this wasn’t …
Max: Yeah, this was no surprise to us. Alright, okay, move on.
Ryan: Nico is always just you know wants to be like now his older sister. It was no different when she was going by Zachary because he just wanted to be like Zachary.
Tara: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ryan: He just wanted to be like his older sibling as he used to be. So that’s no different. So his sibling now has longer hair and wears pink, and you know like Nico runs around and likes to do the same thing. But Nico is finding his own and it really it’s no longer really about being… wearing pink because Samantha now, gets to. It’s wearing pink because he likes to wear pink or you know…
Max: No yeah
Ryan: Or he wears costumes, because he likes to wear costumes. Nico has really come into his own. It’s just his… there’s a liberation to him.