identity, transgender, sports team, gender dysphoria, bodies, gender, feelings, trans, language, chest
Jae: You know, I definitely my whole entire life when I was a child, I knew I was different. I wasn’t sure why or how (laughs) but I knew I was different! But um, I used to, you know, I was, I still am, but I like, back in the day, I was very much into sports. I was always playing sports. I was always running around. I would always play with the boys, I wouldn’t really play with the girls, unless I had to! (laughs) I was like, “I’m always hanging out with the boys!” The boys would call me, like, we would, we would be playing, we’d be in gym class, for example, and um, we’d be like, you know, splitting up teams, and then, I’d, I’d, this one boy—like I always remember this—they like, called me to be on their team, and he said, “Oh, that’s great! We have the girl who used to be a boy—or, the girl who wants to be a boy!” (laughs) Like, you know? It was like, “Yes!” because they knew I was like, super-fast, and like super-into the sports (Daya nods) and all of that. So, that was--
Jae: definitely a defining memory I have of when I was a child. (laughs, Daya laughs). But, um, yes. You know, as the years went on like, I, you know, I had these feelings and stuff but I kind of, I just, I didn’t really know what to do with them. I didn’t, you know, I hadn’t seen anything on tv about any—I didn’t know what “trans” was for so many years, right? I didn’t know it was even possible, right?
Jae: It’s just not something I thought about. So, um, I just kind of lived my life, you know, as a really awkward-looking girl. (laughs).
Daya: I think you were probably experiencing dysphoria at the time--
Jae: Yeah! But I just didn’t have the words--
Jae: yeah, I remember when my boobs started growing. That was very terrible for me. I, I, rejected the bra for so long! (laughs) Everyone was wearing it and I was like, my mom tried to make me and I was like, “No, I don’t want to wear that!” (Daya nods).
Until eventually, it was like, “Ok. These things are poking out of my shirt” (laughter)--
Daya: For me, I remember like, I didn’t even have boobs yet. (laughter).
Jae: I have to. (more laughter) Yeah.
Daya: I was like, “I need a bra right now!” (laughs) Oh my god.
Jae: Yeah, it was like, “I have to do something about that.” So, but yeah--
Daya: None of those things determine gender, though, I just want to throw that out there.
Jae: No, yes! Definitely!
Jae: None of those things define gender.
Daya: But for you, they were things that like, for you, they meant something to you--